Archive for March 14th, 2007

American Idol Top 12: Results

I’d forgotten how much I really enjoy these results shows. Group sings! Diana Ross medley! The men sound interchangeable and bland as ever. The gals sound good. Pimpomercial! Oh, how I’ve missed thee. But meh — kind of boring.

On to the slaughtering! Lakisha is safe. Gina is safe and screams “thank you!” obnoxiously. Meh, I won’t shed any tears if and when she gets the axe. Brandon is in the bottom three. No surprises. Jordin is safe. Chris R. is safe, to my great chagrin and consternation. Melinda is safe, of course. Phil is in the bottom three…mild surprise. Chris S. is safe, as is Stephanie. Blake will be back to beatbox us to death another day. Down to Sanjaya and Haley. Well, we know Haley is hitting the seal along with Phil and Brandon, but first we need a break and a little Diana Ross!

This week’s American Idol challenge asks you “who is the lowest-selling Idol to date?” with three separate pictures of Taylor Hicks. Ugly pictures. Just kidding. But the question is about album sales, and it’s a mildly more difficult question — which Idol (Kelly, Carrie or Taylor — and it’s hot footage) did Simon predict would sell more records than any other Idol? (Hint: it’s Carrie.)

Diana Ross, arms outstretched and akimbo, makes a full DIVA! entrance through the FANT ASIA doors wearing a flaming red dress. She shrieks her way through “I Love You More Today.” Oh, please, can the judges chime in after her performance? Because this is one hot mess of pitchy, flat notes and shrieky misses. Ryan asks her who’s going home tonight. She looks bewildered and covers nicely: “Me!” Well played, Miss Ross. Back to the cryogenic freeze chamber you go!

Sanjaya joins Brandon and Phil in the bottom three. Phil gets sent back to safety as Brandon smarts. Phil hugs him. Brandon doesn’t like it. Dude, you ain’t all that. He purses his lips smugly. Although losing out to Sanjaya has got to hurt, because that’s what happens. Sanjaya is safe, and Brandon gets the first official boot of the season. Triumphant DAUGHTRY! plays in the background. Brandon shifts immediately from Pissed Off Mode to It’s An Honor Just To Be Nominated Mode, and of course he’s cut off before his singout can start. Awwww.


March 2007
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What the kids are sayin’

"I hate them all. The judges, TPTB, the blatant manipulation, the songs, the contestants, everything. I'm a die-hard Cook fan, but for the love of god, at least try to look like you're enjoying yourself up there! Please? Syesha was awesome but she ruined it by being completely shameless and disgusting. Yes, being on American Idol is exactly like the civil rights movement, except for the part where you're fighting to make the world a better place."

"All I can say after the disgusting display tonight of favoritism towards the mediocrity that is David A. - good luck trying to market and make money off of that kid, American Idol. (Not to mention good luck dealing with his father.) All the teeny boppers may buy up his American Idol coronation single, but they will quickly forget about him before the album comes out. And I shudder to think of a David A. album - song after song of unrelenting sameness and heavy breathing. Why they are pimping him for the win is beyond me."

"This show was simply a hot buttered mess tonight. And Jason "needs to be arrested for what he did to I Shot the Sheriff. But I hope he stays. He amuses me. "