American Idol: Top 12 Recap

The awesome: Melinda Doolittle, of course…although she does have a bit of a bleating problem. But I was a mite bored by her. (In the interests of full disclosure, though, I just don’t like ballads much.) She still does The Turtle (head receding into shoulders) after performing, as well as the “omg you like meeeeeeee?” squeal. Feh. I love the girl, but for sheer entertainment value, I’d love to see her land in the Bottom Two to see if she’ll just have a nervous breakdown, or if she’ll go all Damien on us a la Katharine McPhee last year. Lakisha Jones or Kiki or whatever her name is turned in what I consider her best performance to date, even though the song choice came right out of the Predictable Diva Playbook, and she’s still slightly less nuanced than Melinda.

The a’ight: Chris Sligh’s appeal still eludes me, and apparently, the judges as well. He rips off Coldplay for his arrangement, and it just seems like he’s always just hovering on the edge of being really great, but he never delivers. Blake Lewis funkified up his Diana Ross song, but the end product was just a little too Everybody Samba! to have much of an impact. This isn’t going to work, this little gig that he and Sligh have got going. Oh, sure, it’s fine to cheat the theme once (see: Hicks, Taylor and the Billboard Hits theme; Daughtry, Chris and the Country theme), but Blake can’t make every single song sound like rave music for the next twelve weeks. Nor can Sligh make everything sound like Mute Math. Stephanie Edwards is wearing a really loud dress, but never seems to find her stride with the song. Jordin Sparks is so sugary that I damn near reach for an insulin injection, and she looks great, and raspberry is a fabulous color for her, but she still bored me, so much so that I started this recap midway through her song.

The meh: Brandon Rogers forgets his words and does his backup singer routine, blending too well into the music and the arrangement and never standing out on his own. Great smile, but it ain’t Colgate Idol. Gina Glocksen just sounds like some girl singing, and her hair is in that awful “I got a shag haircut a year ago and I’m growing it out now” stage that I am all too familiar with. Someone get this girl either a truly punk hairstyle or some extensions, stat. Also, she had a wallet chain attached to the arm of her satin blazer. That’s right, Ms. Rock Yo House was wearing a satin blazer. Phil Stacey…looks better with a hat. He’s got a good voice, sure, but his performance style is bland and predictable. Chris Richardson has this strange fake smile that continually creeps me out, and dead eyes to boot. He looks like an overgrown Cabbage Patch doll. He really does. Sure, he’s a charismatic performer, I’ll give him that, but he oversings, and his tone is like nails on a chalkboard. Ugh.

The awful: Sanjaya Guarini Malakar is actually probably sporting his natural hairdo, and the big secret is that the lovely Leif Garrett fluff is what takes him 20 minutes to mousse, blowdry and style. His song should have been in a higher key, as it is completely vocally unchallenging. It was bad, though not as bad as the judges made it out to be. Sanjaya’s voice is like Downy fabric softener, though, in that it makes me want to cuddle something and fall asleep on a big fluffy bed. Which is probably not really good for this show. Haley Scarnato was as bad as the judges thought, and worse than Simon thought. Pretty hair does not equal stage presence, Mr. Cowell. She tried to go for some grit, but she screwed up the words royally, hit a few bum power notes, then retreated back into her little Disney-character-trilling niche. Also, the makeup artists were stupidly covering up her mole. Seriously. We all know it’s there, and it looks fine. By covering it up, it just looks like she’s got a zit.

Random comments: How come no one got a major makeover? That’s like the best part of the Top 12 Reveal! Melinda is still rocking her Mom ‘do, Lakisha’s weave is still too helmety, Gina’s haircut is still just bad and her makeup is still unflattering. Oooh, Chris Sligh swapped out his glasses for contact lenses! Someone call 911, I might keel over from the shock! Yawn. Okay, Sanjaya rocked The Guarini, but that wasn’t exactly surprising. Boo-ring. At least the banter between Simon and Ryan was well-scripted this episode, instead of the usual ill-timed potshots Ryan usually spews out at Simon in a failed attempt to counteract the Brit’s caustic witticisms.


5 Responses to “American Idol: Top 12 Recap”

  1. 1 Kate March 14, 2007 at 9:26 am

    Great comments! I need a new Idol site now that judge jru decided to call it quits…your insight is so funny! I love you!

  2. 2 OsirisShotDown March 14, 2007 at 10:36 am

    Oh, wow. Last night sucked all kinds of ass. Melinda was the only one that I really, really liked. “KiKi” was fine, but I really didn’t care for her interpretation. I guess I prefer a very understated, not bombastic, interpretation. Billie Holiday is the best. KiKi looked way pissed at having to share the “you’re in a different class” pedestal with Melinda.

    As soon as Sligh’s “arrangement” started up, I irrationally thought he was going to sing “Clocks”, then remembered that the theme was Diana Ross songs. Hated it. HATED it.

    Phil creeps me out. Not in the same way as TimberFake, though. You wouldn’t want to get drunk and let down your guard around TimberFake. You wouldn’t want (well, *I* wouldn’t want) to see Phil walking in my direction in a dark alley. A dark alley with fog swirling around, gas lamps shining down on his scary, BatBoy head, casting creepshow shadows on his face… *shudder* Great, I’ve just talked myself into some nightmares tonight.

    And what the hell was up with the boring non-makeovers? C’mon, AI stylists! You can do better than that!

  3. 3 Em March 14, 2007 at 1:50 pm

    Sanjaya’s hair scared the hell out of me. I was thisclose to picking up the phone! Truly frightening. Otherwise, meh. Melinda was better the past two weeks.

  4. 4 kitiwiti March 14, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    funny! i was just thinking, despite some good bets in the ladies section, i didnt relate to any of them the way i did with elliott last year.
    but i love melinda more than kiki definitely.

    your comments were all right on!

  5. 5 dusty March 14, 2007 at 10:40 pm

    Just found your site and think you are talented! Good luck with your decision. In any event, I am another Tay fan…and one who likes all types of his music. Nice to meet another one.

Comments are currently closed.

March 2007
« Feb   Jul »

What the kids are sayin’

"I hate them all. The judges, TPTB, the blatant manipulation, the songs, the contestants, everything. I'm a die-hard Cook fan, but for the love of god, at least try to look like you're enjoying yourself up there! Please? Syesha was awesome but she ruined it by being completely shameless and disgusting. Yes, being on American Idol is exactly like the civil rights movement, except for the part where you're fighting to make the world a better place."

"All I can say after the disgusting display tonight of favoritism towards the mediocrity that is David A. - good luck trying to market and make money off of that kid, American Idol. (Not to mention good luck dealing with his father.) All the teeny boppers may buy up his American Idol coronation single, but they will quickly forget about him before the album comes out. And I shudder to think of a David A. album - song after song of unrelenting sameness and heavy breathing. Why they are pimping him for the win is beyond me."

"This show was simply a hot buttered mess tonight. And Jason "needs to be arrested for what he did to I Shot the Sheriff. But I hope he stays. He amuses me. "

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