American Idol: Top 16 Results

Who will make the Top 12? It’s oh-so-exciting, only it’s not, really. We pan across the group. Sanjaya is back to sporting his Leif Garrett hair. Sundance looks like he’s going to throw up. Sabrina and Melinda are solemn. Haley rocks some serious volume in her hair.

Group sing! Chris Sligh and Haley sound like bad karaoke as they start off “Stuck in the Middle with You.” Melinda and Stephanie sound a’ight. I think Phil sounds good, though I might be the only one. Chris Richardson sounds like ass. Gina’s okay. Brandon shows a little promise here. Jordin sounds amazing. Sabrina drowns out Sanjaya completely, Lakisha sounds awesome but looks petrified. Antonella is just kind of passing through. Sundance’s weeble-wobbles (but doesn’t fall down), and his screaming is a little weak, but generally he sounds pretty good.

Quickie review of how pretty much everyone sucked. Hee.

We dim the lights. Lakisha Jones and Blake Lewis join Seacrest on the seal. Oh, feh. They’re obviously both in the Top 12, and they quickly fill up the first two seats. Chris Sligh and his strategery sidle up to the seal as Seacrest asks him if he thinks he’s made it. “For fear of sounding stupid,” he says, “I’ll say I hope.” Aw. We break, and…he’s in the Top 12. Jordin Sparks is also in the Top 12. Phil Stacey gets pre-emptive applause, which can’t be good. Phil is nervous and a little worried. He’s asked if he wants to move on, he says yeah, and Seacrest tells him he’s safe. Camera pan to his sweet wife. Aww! Phil is in tears as he advances. I like him. I do. I can’t say he’s the best voice in the competition, but I really like him a lot.

Next up is Jared Cotter, and he is out tonight. Close-up on his adorable yet disappointed parents. Simon tells him he’s a good-looking guy, but to work on his vocals, and Randy tells him to be original. Jared says he’s very surprised. He…shouldn’t be, really. But whatev. His singout is just as bland and boring as it was on Tuesday night. He handles himself well throughout, though.

Tonight’s Idol Challenge asks us who has a number-one album right now: Ace Young, Kevin Covais, or Chris Daughtry? Are they kidding? Sadly, no.

Melinda Doolittle and Brandon Rogers are both in the Top 12. Yay for Melinda. Brandon I’m not sure deserved it after the run he’s had, but he’s got potential, so cool. Gina Glocksen and Chris Richardson stroll hand-in-hand to the seal. They are both safe. I’m warming up to Gina, but my thoughts on Chris R. (well, on his vocal abilities at least) are known, so I’m not enthusiastic about that at all.

Three spots left, six people remaining. And it’s time for a Carrie Underwood flashback. See Carrie when she lived on a farm and looked like she was still eating solid food! See Carrie win American Idol, crimped hair and all! See a nearly-emaciated Carrie fall victim to that horrid leggings trend to sing “Wasted.” Yeah, Carrie’s got a pretty voice, but…eh. You know, not too long ago I was re-watching last season’s finale, where Carrie, Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee all sang the intro verses of “I Made It Through the Rain,” and I realized just how indistinguishable Carrie and Katharine’s voices really are. Oh, sure, Carrie’s got a country twang, and Katharine’s got kind of a gulpy lower range, but when they’re in the mid-range I think they’re both just bland, bland, bland. But, y’know, they’re both thin and pretty, and both have put out incredibly formulaic albums, so I guess that’s all that counts. Oh, also disappointing is the fact that Carrie’s stage presence really hasn’t improved all that much. She’s still the same ol’ FarmBot. Applause for Carrie. I think it would be awesome for past contestants to come back and sing, and then to pan right to the judges to get their comments. I really wish they’d do that, because it would be pretty awesome.

Antonella Barba and Stephanie Edwards hit the seal. Antonella’s in tears, and she’s out. Oh, thank goodness. I feel bad that she’s crying and all, but she’s just not that good of a singer, and she’s in serious need of an attitude adjustment. Her hair is hanging in her eyes, though, which bothers me. Her sing-out is marginally better than last night, and there are lots of close-ups on her face, which is very, very pretty, but it’s a little girl’s face, and not a woman’s. Interesting how the great American Idol beauties (Antonella and Katharine) have quite womanly, shapely bodies, but childlike, apple-cheeked faces.

Down to Haley Scarnato and Sabrina Sloan. And here’s the first shocker — Haley makes it into the Top 12, while Sabrina is cut. Whoa. I never liked Sabrina’s singing much, but she was clearly the better singer than Haley. She looks spectacular and handles herself with class. Honestly, I think it was the Latoya factor that did her in — she did come off as a little cool, and slightly entitled. You can be a consummate professional on this show, but you have to act like you appreciate the fact that you’re actually there, and Sabrina never really did. If anything doomed her, it was that (and the fact that in a competition full of belters, there was bound to be vote-splitting).

Tonight’s big announcement is that American Idol will be bringing the issue of extreme poverty in America and Africa right into everyone’s living rooms, where it will sit uncomfortably for an hour every week. I hope that’s not true; I hope they raise a lot of money. On April 24th (Top Six night), the theme will be “inspirational songs” (ugh), and for every vote cast, Idol’s sponsors will donate money to charity for every vote. Quincy Jones will write a song, Borat will appear on Idol (oh, the shark, she is jumped), and like a million stars will be around when Africa appears on American Idol. Okay, it’s a cool announcement, I guess, but it really doesn’t have anything to do with the contestants, so…eh.

It’s down to Sundance Head and Sanjaya Malakar. Both have given shitty performances. Who has the most potential? I’m gonna have to say Sundance. I know a lot of people hate him, but I don’t. I don’t see arrogance in him, either; I see a dude who’s obviously very talented (exhibit A: his original audition), but who hasn’t been able to find himself in this competition. That’s not an excuse, as he really needs to find himself quickly if he’s going to continue on, but…still. And maybe I am still clinging to that first time he sang “Stormy Monday.” Anyway, both of them look scared shitless. And the person going home is…Sundance. Aww. That’s really kind of sad, actually. It’s awful to see a guy who started out so full of promise plummet so badly. Paula says she’s speechless, and that Sundance has been one of the finest. When asked what happened, Simon says that the volume must have been turned down on the televisions of those who voted. All the judges are dumbfounded. Sundance pleads for a job. Heh. But…dare I say that Sundance looks really, really, really relieved to be getting the hell off of this show. It’s entirely possible that he just doesn’t do well in a highly competitive environment. Which probably means he’ll never be a pop star, but doesn’t mean he can’t eke out a decent career singing. Aww. I wanted to see how the stylists tackled the goatee.

“Bad Day” montage, featuring Simon telling Sundance that he’ll be amazed if Sundance doesn’t make the finals. Whoops. There is a small part of me that is glad that the singer who Simon said “blew Taylor out of the water” didn’t advance, but that’s all about Simon and not about Sundance at all, who I think is a hell of a nice guy.

Take a look at your Top Twelve, kids. It’s boring as shit. Yawn.


1 Response to “American Idol: Top 16 Results”

  1. 1 MaryS-NJ March 8, 2007 at 10:12 pm

    Melinda, Blake and maybe Chris Sligh. That’s about it for me. At this point, I still haven’t broken my voting boycott.

    Maybe when they STOP FUCKING PIMPING CHRIS DAUGHTRY every five seconds I’ll think about casting a vote for someone (Melinda) on “Inspirational Songs” night. Argh, I hate being manipulated.

    So, my little Jersey girl and her little Jersey friends have been rooting for Antonella to GO HOME for weeks now. No love for the homegirl in our ‘hood. I think it’s possibly the first time they manipulated the votes to send someone home who wasn’t the lowest vote getter. I’m betting that even if the Frenchie thing had no legs, it was enough of a last straw to make them want to scuttle Antonella.

    I’m surprised about Sabrina (being beaten out by Haley), although not really. I feel about her the same way you do. I didn’t think she was all that, but she was apparently the producers’ favorite (according to rumors) so oopsie! They can blame themselves. They’ll probably sign her anyway, so whatEVER.

    Haley hit all the notes and was as exciting as watching paint dry but I’ll bet she’s popular with the little girlies who need a pretty princess but whose Moms said they can’t like Antonella anymore. Also, retirees like cruise ships, right?

    Sanjaya looked like a hunted man, er – boy. Really he looked terrified AFTER he was safe. Did you notice? I think he has survivor’s guilt. I kind of feel sorry for him because I think he’d be happy to go home and now he’s VFTW.

    Sundance took it like a man. He didn’t cry, and almost looked relieved.

    Carrie Underwood bores me. I must be un-American or something. She is pretty though.

    I guess Taylor, Kellie, Fatasia and Ruben are invisible now.

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March 2007
« Feb   Jul »

What the kids are sayin’

"I hate them all. The judges, TPTB, the blatant manipulation, the songs, the contestants, everything. I'm a die-hard Cook fan, but for the love of god, at least try to look like you're enjoying yourself up there! Please? Syesha was awesome but she ruined it by being completely shameless and disgusting. Yes, being on American Idol is exactly like the civil rights movement, except for the part where you're fighting to make the world a better place."

"All I can say after the disgusting display tonight of favoritism towards the mediocrity that is David A. - good luck trying to market and make money off of that kid, American Idol. (Not to mention good luck dealing with his father.) All the teeny boppers may buy up his American Idol coronation single, but they will quickly forget about him before the album comes out. And I shudder to think of a David A. album - song after song of unrelenting sameness and heavy breathing. Why they are pimping him for the win is beyond me."

"This show was simply a hot buttered mess tonight. And Jason "needs to be arrested for what he did to I Shot the Sheriff. But I hope he stays. He amuses me. "

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