American Idol: Top 12 Chopping Block

I hope we get some sweet pointy pose action tonight.

Ryan reads us a glittery, dazzling list of celebrities who will be appearing on Idol this season. Diana Ross, Jon Bon Jovi, Gwen Stefani (?), J.Lo (???), Tony Bennett, Martina McBride, and Barry Gibb (!). At least they did a better job of mixing the classics with the contemporaries this season.

Flashback to Tuesday and Wednesday. In short: most of the guys sucked, most of the girls rocked. Melinda Doolittle, Leslie Hunt and Sabrina Sloan are lumped together as the Awesome Arethas; Gina Glocksen and Haley Scarnatoget painted as pale imitations of Celine (which they were). Antonella Barba, Amy Krebs and Alaina Alexander get the “who the hell let these people into a singing contest?” edit, while Lakisha Jones is again touted as the Savior of All Things Musical. Meh.

The group song is Tears for Fears. A good song? Where’s my cheesiness? Where’s my “Love the One You’re With?” Where’s my “Take it Easy?” Boo! Pointy Poses are supposed to be pure Velveeta! This one showcases more boys than girls. Phil Stacey sounds okay, Rudy Cardenas is still annoying. Sundance Head is a shadow of his former self. Blake Lewis, Brandon Rogers, Paul Kim, Chris Sligh and AJ Tablado are all rather interchangable vocally. Jordin Sparks and Melinda both look hot and sound great. Sabrina is still shrieking at me. Lakisha sounds good, but still a little too one-note for my tastes.

So who’s out? We start with the men. Nick Pedro is petrified. Sligh, who quite obviously spent his downtime lurking on message boards and realizing that his Teletubbies jab at Simon was rather ill-timed, quickly backtracks and professes his love and respect for Mr. Il Divo. Well played, Sligh. Well played. I’m still totally underwhelmed by you, though. Anyway, the back row of men line up on the seal. Brandon is safe. Scared-shitless Sundance is safe. Roy Head, lookin’ pretty spry (if not a bit shellacked) for a man his age, kisses his wife in celebration up in the red room. Scabby Chris Richardson will need to request another week off from the Hooters, as he’s safe. Nick is safe. Rave refugee Blake is safe, leaving poor Paul Kim all alone on the seal, and in lightning-quick fashion a la DAUGHTRY!!!11’s shocking boot last year, Paul is toast. Hmm. I didn’t think he was awful…but he wasn’t good enough, that’s for sure. In the red room, Paul’s posse looks pissed. His singout is pitchy, but he’s utterly devastated, so I can’t really rag on him for it. And he’s still making those Faces of the Guy I Dated Two Summers Ago, and it’s still weird. Buh-bye, Paul.

“Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?” actually looks like a pretty cool show.

Row of girls. Jordin and her slight bot-ness but objective awesomeness are safe. Amazing Stephanie Edwards is safe, as is shrieky Sabrina, who — sorry — totally gives off the entitlement vibe. I’ll hold out judgment for now, but…yeah. Smoky Leslie and fabulous Melinda are safe. The power of VFTW plus a thousand “omg shes so pretty!!!111” votes transferred from McPhee to Antonella keep her safe. Amy gets the boot.

Commerical break. I Google. Lakisha, Melinda, Leslie and Stephanie do not have fansites. Alaina and Antonella do. That’s so fucked up.

Fantasia rocks the house vocally, but her ill-fitting lavendar dress is just all kinds of unfortunate. Randy does a little bow-down motion toward her, giving her the kind of love that Ruben and Taylor will never, ever see from this show. It’s really obnxious, considering what a self-parody Randy’s become over the past year. Fantasia announces that she’ll be starring as Celie in “The Color Purple” on Broadway. Dude. I saw Fantasia’s Lifetime movie, and…her acting was just baaaaad. I hope she’s improved.

More girls on the seal. Boring Haley is boringly safe. Lakisha is obviously safe, and I do want her to make the Top 12, if only to see what Dean Banowetz does with her hair. Gina, who looks really pretty tonight, is safe, and it’s down to Nicole Tranquillo and Alaina. It’s Alaina, right? If there’s any justice in this world? Well, there’s no justice, and Nicole is out. Okay, I didn’t like Nicole — something about her rubbed me the wrong way — but she was miles ahead of Alaina. Oh well. She sings out, and it’s okay, but she looks so misplaced, like a college student in search of her 8 AM class accidentally wandered onto the soundstage. Look, Nicole, either look like you’re making an effort or go the anti-fashion route, but either way, at least look like you care (or care enough not to care).

Room for one more on the chopping block. Sligh lives to scheme another day. Phil and his crooked cap are safe. Aww, his wife is so adorable! Jared, AJ, boring but safe, leaving twee little Sanjaya Malakar and Rudy on the seal. Naturally, Rudy is gone. Ryan asks Simon what he has to say, and Simon says you can’t turn an okay singer into a great singer. If he’s merely okay, why’d you put him through to the Top 24, Simon?

Bad Day montage featuring DAUGHTRY!!!11’s “Home.” (Gah!) Ryan implores us to stay tuned for the series finale of “The OC,” which I most certainly will not. Rudy sings, and Quincy Jones refuses to clap along. And sadly, I’ve forgotten these four folks already.


3 Responses to “American Idol: Top 12 Chopping Block”

  1. 1 Gary February 22, 2007 at 10:25 pm

    There really were no surprises in the eliminations tonight. None of the guys were really any good so it was pretty much a matter of being likable to get votes.

    For the girls, it was no surprise at all that two girls who got no prior airtime were the first to go. Unlike Lakisha and Sabrina, who were also completely unknown, Nicole and Amy didn’t do anything to show the voting public that they needed to stick around.

  2. 2 Sunny February 23, 2007 at 9:36 am

    You for got to point out my twee squee baby boy Sanjaya was in the top four. Give the boy a little credit for rallying up the votes. Source told me actually the boy hit #2. I hope he manages to wangle a better song and performance. Word to the lad, don’t heed your sister anymore regarding song selection. Can’t trust ANYONE these days. Sheesh.

    I was loving Lakisha just for the force Big Momma delivered that tune, her first performance, risky attempt at the J. Hudson award winning tune, and she blew it out. Not sure how she’ll do in the more ‘theme’ oriented nights.

    I’m not sure who I really like in this crowd. The Sanjaya ‘event’ on the AI boards is interesting. I haven’t seen the type of polarization, since Taylor Hicks’ debut on the Idol stage. Man, they either love “!!!” Sanjaya or they really hate him. Interesting.

  3. 3 Benjamin Nicholas February 24, 2007 at 10:53 am

    You need to quit hating on Haley… Girl’s got the vocal chops and versatility to beat out most on that stage. I should know: I’ve sung with her on many occasions.

    As for Lakisha: Sure, she can yell on key, but the whole song sounded forced and like a bad rip-off of Jenn Holiday’s version. That song is incredibly emotional, nuanced and beautiful if sung correctly. JHud nailed it in the film. JHol nailed it in the stage production. Lakisha forced it and got praise for bad vocal technique.

    I’m loving Doolittle. She’s one of the few up there with enough control over her voice and good mic technique that she doesn’t sound like some bad karaoke singer.

    The guys in general are all borish vocal clones. Yeah, some have gimmicky floppy hair (or no hair at all), but what the hell ever happened to guys actually being able to SING? Most now try to emulate JT, who either speaks his songs or whispers in a falsetto. B-O-R-I-N-G.

    Keep your eyes on the ladies. There’s the real competition.


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February 2007
« Jan   Mar »

What the kids are sayin’

"I hate them all. The judges, TPTB, the blatant manipulation, the songs, the contestants, everything. I'm a die-hard Cook fan, but for the love of god, at least try to look like you're enjoying yourself up there! Please? Syesha was awesome but she ruined it by being completely shameless and disgusting. Yes, being on American Idol is exactly like the civil rights movement, except for the part where you're fighting to make the world a better place."

"All I can say after the disgusting display tonight of favoritism towards the mediocrity that is David A. - good luck trying to market and make money off of that kid, American Idol. (Not to mention good luck dealing with his father.) All the teeny boppers may buy up his American Idol coronation single, but they will quickly forget about him before the album comes out. And I shudder to think of a David A. album - song after song of unrelenting sameness and heavy breathing. Why they are pimping him for the win is beyond me."

"This show was simply a hot buttered mess tonight. And Jason "needs to be arrested for what he did to I Shot the Sheriff. But I hope he stays. He amuses me. "

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