Gear up…

Tonight’s the night — a new season of American Idol is upon us. I myself don’t care much for the audition phase — I’d much rather wait until Hollywood Week and the Top 24 are announced. Despite my sneaking suspicion (and desperate hope) that I won’t get “invested” this year, you just never know. Anyway, I’ll have the auditions on in the background for some white noise, and I’ll try to point anyone (or anything) I found interesting.

Also, with the dawn of a new season upon us comes the inevitable slew of reviewers, bloggers and critics gnashing their teeth. Harold Howard Cohen (I can never get his name right), the Miami Herald’s music critic, is back renewing his hatred for Taylor Hicks (I mean, to put it in perspective: I don’t like McPhee; Cohen hates Hicks). (EDIT: A brief E-mail exchange with Mr. Cohen revealed that his hatred for Hicks seems to be, at least to some extent, for show; he enjoyed many of Taylor’s early performances, and voted for him over McPhee in the finals. Oooh, and he loves 12 Songs. So he can’t be all bad.) But Cohen isn’t the geographically closest reviewer to me. No, that would be the FABULOUS Leslie Gray Streeter of The Palm Beach Post, my hometown paper. So what’s Leslie got to say about the new season? Well, she’s got a list of songs she wants forever banned from the Idol stage. (I’ve got my own; let’s see if we agree). (Leslie’s got a lot more to say, including suggestions for replacement songs, so be sure to click the link.)

1. Falling, Alicia Keys
Why it should be retired: It’s a fairly boring song, musically. And if you’re not an extremely controlled singer, it’s a one-way trip to Caterwaul City.

2. You Are So Beautiful, Joe Cocker
Why it should be retired: Taylor “Joe Cocker Jr.” Hicks owns it. Not you.

3. I Have Nothing and I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston
Why they should be retired: Because you are not Whitney Houston. (Ed. note–Are you listening, KATHARINE?) Heck, Whitney Houston isn’t Whitney Houston anymore. These are her signatures, from the height of her once-storied vocal powers, and you just can’t do them without evoking that glorious memory. So don’t try.

4. Anything from the Dreamgirls soundtrack
Why it should be retired: Because it’s the hottest thing smoking right now, and it’ll be tempting to jump on the bandwagon. Stay away from the wagon.

5. Saving All My Love For You, Whitney Houston
Why it should be retired: Because it’s a boringly constructed song about having a pathetic affair with a married guy who’s obviously never leaving his wife. Every contestant who’s ever done it seems to just be singing a collection of pretty notes, completely oblivious to what she’s singing about. And when the singers are teenage girls? Ewww.

6. Unchained Melody, Righteous Brothers
Why it should be retired: It’s Simon Cowell’s favorite song, and the chip is on his shoulder the minute the kid starts singing. Also, it can get boring. (Ed. note–And plodding. And monotonous. And unending…)

7. The Queen catalogue
Why it should be retired: Last season, the righteous operatic rockers appeared as guest geezers of the week, with all the contestants singing their stuff, so it’s been done. Also, the songs are mini-operas with multiple chapters that often get edited down for time reasons, stunting their natural drama.

8. Alone, Heart
Why it should be retired: The ladies have been plundering the coffers of the Sisters Wilson for the last couple of years quite well. But why not spread the love to some of the other rocker mamas?

9. Father Figure, George Michael
Why it should be retired: Last year, Ace “Neo-Constantine” Young tried and failed to capture the previous year’s spellbinding, scary-sexy treatment Constantine Maroulis gave this song. (Ed. note–Why don’t I remember that?) So cut your losses and don’t do it again.

10. I Don’t Wanna Be, Gavin DeGraw
Why it should be retired: Two years ago, Bo Bice did a bang-up job of this then-current anthem of self-expression. Last year, my beloved Elliott Yamin did it again. Done a third time, the audience might express themselves by falling asleep. (Ed. note–I didn’t think Elliott’s version was all that. Plus, he was wearing a hoodie.)


5 Responses to “Gear up…”

  1. 1 ggwfung January 16, 2007 at 10:16 am

    I assume the only place to get the latest goss will be here? :-)


  2. 2 idolicious January 16, 2007 at 10:20 am

    Actually, this is more of a commentary site…and I’ve got school starting back up today, so I doubt I’ll have as much time to post in-depth commentary. If you REALLY want the gossip, I highly recommend MJ’s Big Blog at

  3. 3 redrum January 16, 2007 at 10:55 am

    Constantine never sang Father Figure. What are you talking about here?

  4. 4 idolicious January 16, 2007 at 11:26 am

    Take it up with the Palm Beach Post, redrum. This is a quoted article, in case you hadn’t noticed.

  5. 5 MaryS-NJ January 16, 2007 at 11:58 am

    Per your post at MJ’s this morning, I would dearly love to know what comments you left for Howard Cohen. He just can’t get over it can he? Was he this bad when Ruben and Fantasia won, because he doesn’t seem to like them either.

Comments are currently closed.

January 2007
« Dec   Feb »

What the kids are sayin’

"I hate them all. The judges, TPTB, the blatant manipulation, the songs, the contestants, everything. I'm a die-hard Cook fan, but for the love of god, at least try to look like you're enjoying yourself up there! Please? Syesha was awesome but she ruined it by being completely shameless and disgusting. Yes, being on American Idol is exactly like the civil rights movement, except for the part where you're fighting to make the world a better place."

"All I can say after the disgusting display tonight of favoritism towards the mediocrity that is David A. - good luck trying to market and make money off of that kid, American Idol. (Not to mention good luck dealing with his father.) All the teeny boppers may buy up his American Idol coronation single, but they will quickly forget about him before the album comes out. And I shudder to think of a David A. album - song after song of unrelenting sameness and heavy breathing. Why they are pimping him for the win is beyond me."

"This show was simply a hot buttered mess tonight. And Jason "needs to be arrested for what he did to I Shot the Sheriff. But I hope he stays. He amuses me. "

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