So long, farewell…

It’s been a wild, wild ride, folks. Unfortunately, after a long and relaxing break, I’ve decided to shut Idolicious’ doors once and for all. As much fun as this blog has been, it’s also an energy-draining, bandwidth-sucking, time-consuming succubus. Heh! Anyway, this has been a blast, and I wanted to thank all my readers and regular commenters, especially OsirisShotDown, PennyW, Baxter, Bobo, MaryS-NJ, Em, AmyH, J.D. Matthews, Sunny, Taratova, Jewels Richardson…if I missed you, I’m sorry, but all of you have made this experience so delightful.

As a Taylor fan, I’ll keep listening for new and exciting music from the Silver Fox. I’m curious to see how he grows and develops as a musician over the next few years, regardless of whether he’s at the top of the charts or barely a blip on Billboard’s radar. And to fans of Katharine, Elliott, Chris, etc., as well as this year’s crop of new talent — good luck to your favorite. In the meantime, I can still be found here and there, snarking on the contestants (some more than others…heh) and posting my completely uninformed layperson’s analysis. I hope to see you there.

Idolicious

One for the road.

From Mary Colurso:

Hicks’ voice hasn’t changed much — it’s the same whiskey tenor– nor has his way of delivering a song. A playful slide here, a showy growl there. Maybe a hint of Southern sandpaper. The instrumentation and production values are decent, as well. Notable, however, is the way Hicks’ celebrity has given a sheen to these songs they didn’t possess before. That’s a famous voice singing “Son of a Carpenter,” “The Fall,” “My Friend” and “West Texas Sky.” Those aren’t the best-known tunes in his songbook, nor are they the best written. But Hicks has a highly recognizable style, acquits himself nicely, and therefore gives them luster. Even if “In Your Time” and “Under the Radar” were embarrassing for Hicks — which they are not — the tracks they contain would be worth something as rarities.

VACATION!

…and you totally wish you were coming with me, too, to a land of endless sunshine and white sandy beaches and shoreside hot dog stands. But you’re not. Sorry. :-)

American Idol Top 12: Results

I’d forgotten how much I really enjoy these results shows. Group sings! Diana Ross medley! The men sound interchangeable and bland as ever. The gals sound good. Pimpomercial! Oh, how I’ve missed thee. But meh — kind of boring.

On to the slaughtering! Lakisha is safe. Gina is safe and screams “thank you!” obnoxiously. Meh, I won’t shed any tears if and when she gets the axe. Brandon is in the bottom three. No surprises. Jordin is safe. Chris R. is safe, to my great chagrin and consternation. Melinda is safe, of course. Phil is in the bottom three…mild surprise. Chris S. is safe, as is Stephanie. Blake will be back to beatbox us to death another day. Down to Sanjaya and Haley. Well, we know Haley is hitting the seal along with Phil and Brandon, but first we need a break and a little Diana Ross!

This week’s American Idol challenge asks you “who is the lowest-selling Idol to date?” with three separate pictures of Taylor Hicks. Ugly pictures. Just kidding. But the question is about album sales, and it’s a mildly more difficult question — which Idol (Kelly, Carrie or Taylor — and it’s hot footage) did Simon predict would sell more records than any other Idol? (Hint: it’s Carrie.)

Diana Ross, arms outstretched and akimbo, makes a full DIVA! entrance through the FANT ASIA doors wearing a flaming red dress. She shrieks her way through “I Love You More Today.” Oh, please, can the judges chime in after her performance? Because this is one hot mess of pitchy, flat notes and shrieky misses. Ryan asks her who’s going home tonight. She looks bewildered and covers nicely: “Me!” Well played, Miss Ross. Back to the cryogenic freeze chamber you go!

Sanjaya joins Brandon and Phil in the bottom three. Phil gets sent back to safety as Brandon smarts. Phil hugs him. Brandon doesn’t like it. Dude, you ain’t all that. He purses his lips smugly. Although losing out to Sanjaya has got to hurt, because that’s what happens. Sanjaya is safe, and Brandon gets the first official boot of the season. Triumphant DAUGHTRY! plays in the background. Brandon shifts immediately from Pissed Off Mode to It’s An Honor Just To Be Nominated Mode, and of course he’s cut off before his singout can start. Awwww.

American Idol: Top 12 Recap

The awesome: Melinda Doolittle, of course…although she does have a bit of a bleating problem. But I was a mite bored by her. (In the interests of full disclosure, though, I just don’t like ballads much.) She still does The Turtle (head receding into shoulders) after performing, as well as the “omg you like meeeeeeee?” squeal. Feh. I love the girl, but for sheer entertainment value, I’d love to see her land in the Bottom Two to see if she’ll just have a nervous breakdown, or if she’ll go all Damien on us a la Katharine McPhee last year. Lakisha Jones or Kiki or whatever her name is turned in what I consider her best performance to date, even though the song choice came right out of the Predictable Diva Playbook, and she’s still slightly less nuanced than Melinda.

The a’ight: Chris Sligh’s appeal still eludes me, and apparently, the judges as well. He rips off Coldplay for his arrangement, and it just seems like he’s always just hovering on the edge of being really great, but he never delivers. Blake Lewis funkified up his Diana Ross song, but the end product was just a little too Everybody Samba! to have much of an impact. This isn’t going to work, this little gig that he and Sligh have got going. Oh, sure, it’s fine to cheat the theme once (see: Hicks, Taylor and the Billboard Hits theme; Daughtry, Chris and the Country theme), but Blake can’t make every single song sound like rave music for the next twelve weeks. Nor can Sligh make everything sound like Mute Math. Stephanie Edwards is wearing a really loud dress, but never seems to find her stride with the song. Jordin Sparks is so sugary that I damn near reach for an insulin injection, and she looks great, and raspberry is a fabulous color for her, but she still bored me, so much so that I started this recap midway through her song.

The meh: Brandon Rogers forgets his words and does his backup singer routine, blending too well into the music and the arrangement and never standing out on his own. Great smile, but it ain’t Colgate Idol. Gina Glocksen just sounds like some girl singing, and her hair is in that awful “I got a shag haircut a year ago and I’m growing it out now” stage that I am all too familiar with. Someone get this girl either a truly punk hairstyle or some extensions, stat. Also, she had a wallet chain attached to the arm of her satin blazer. That’s right, Ms. Rock Yo House was wearing a satin blazer. Phil Stacey…looks better with a hat. He’s got a good voice, sure, but his performance style is bland and predictable. Chris Richardson has this strange fake smile that continually creeps me out, and dead eyes to boot. He looks like an overgrown Cabbage Patch doll. He really does. Sure, he’s a charismatic performer, I’ll give him that, but he oversings, and his tone is like nails on a chalkboard. Ugh.

The awful: Sanjaya Guarini Malakar is actually probably sporting his natural hairdo, and the big secret is that the lovely Leif Garrett fluff is what takes him 20 minutes to mousse, blowdry and style. His song should have been in a higher key, as it is completely vocally unchallenging. It was bad, though not as bad as the judges made it out to be. Sanjaya’s voice is like Downy fabric softener, though, in that it makes me want to cuddle something and fall asleep on a big fluffy bed. Which is probably not really good for this show. Haley Scarnato was as bad as the judges thought, and worse than Simon thought. Pretty hair does not equal stage presence, Mr. Cowell. She tried to go for some grit, but she screwed up the words royally, hit a few bum power notes, then retreated back into her little Disney-character-trilling niche. Also, the makeup artists were stupidly covering up her mole. Seriously. We all know it’s there, and it looks fine. By covering it up, it just looks like she’s got a zit.

Random comments: How come no one got a major makeover? That’s like the best part of the Top 12 Reveal! Melinda is still rocking her Mom ‘do, Lakisha’s weave is still too helmety, Gina’s haircut is still just bad and her makeup is still unflattering. Oooh, Chris Sligh swapped out his glasses for contact lenses! Someone call 911, I might keel over from the shock! Yawn. Okay, Sanjaya rocked The Guarini, but that wasn’t exactly surprising. Boo-ring. At least the banter between Simon and Ryan was well-scripted this episode, instead of the usual ill-timed potshots Ryan usually spews out at Simon in a failed attempt to counteract the Brit’s caustic witticisms.

Semi-announcement.

I’ll be on vacation starting this Thursday and extending into next weekend, so there will be no recaps (and fairly little blogging) of next week’s shows.

In fact…

…I will likely be making a decision in the next few days about whether or not I will keep this blog going. Honestly, it’s been a wild ride, and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know my commenters more personally. Watching my blog stats increase from a measly 25 hits a day to considering 1,000 hits a “bad day” has been incredible. However, the reality of the situation is that in parts, this is simply not fun anymore. This season has been incredibly tiring, and without a favorite — or even a contestant with an iota of personality — to keep it going, posting recaps and news has become less of a fun little hobby and more of a chore. Maybe the season will perk up, but my hopes are slim. And, quite frankly, it would be nice to just watch the show, without scurrying to get up a recap or post song spoilers. Besides, there are countless other bloggers who do my job so much better than I ever could.

I’ll probably post a short recap either tonight or tomorrow morning, but after Wednesday’s elimination show, I will be using my vacation time to soak up lots of sun, polish up a paper, stuff my face with good cookin’, and see whether or not I’m itching to get back to my blogging ways. In the meantime, feel free to peruse the archives around here, as it’ll soon be time for me to start cleaning up shop.

Lame quasi-spoilers.

All unconfirmed, nothing definite, and all vague enough so you won’t look that stupid in front of your co-workers if one or two of these turn out to be not-so-true. Spill these at the watercooler tomorrow morning and see how right you turn out to be. Impress your friends with your John Edward-like cold reading abilities!

They say…

…That one of the up-until-now “middle of the road” guys has chosen an uptempo song and has been blowing everyone away in rehearsals. It’s apparently not Brandon Rogers, though, as word on the street is that he will once again fail to bring the “wow factor” this week. UPDATE: This rumor, apparently, pertains to Chris Sligh. Heh. We’ll see.

…That Sanjaya Malakar continues to do okay, but hasn’t raised his game.

…That Haley Scarnato may buy herself another week with her performance.

…That Gina Glocksen is struggling this week.

…That Stephanie Edwards is juggling three songs right now (perhaps due to clearance issues?).

…That Blake Lewis is worrying about toeing that Taylor Hicks-ish line between unique and gimmicky.

I’m not putting a lot of stock in these, simply because they come from a new “source” whose accuracy hasn’t been confirmed, I don’t think, and also because they have a Nostradamus-like ambiguity to them. The only really specific stuff floating around out there is that Lakisha Jones plans to sing “I Will Always Love You” (not really a spoiler; she said it in an interview) and that Chris Sligh would like to try a classic hymn.

Don’t count your chickens.

EW chats up the Top 12 (just like they did last year), and it’s a veritable cornucopia of arrogance. Last year, all we got this early in the game from EW was a slightly eyebrow-raising statement from Katharine McPhee about how she brings so much “soul,” “blues,” and “jazz” to Ella Fitzgerald’s “Ain’t Got Nothin’ But the Blues” (which she later, um, didn’t). This year, it’s practically a race to the top of Mount Ego. Good Lord, when did this turn into Smug Idol?

Chris Sligh, on theme nights he’s not looking forward to: Diana Ross is going to be tough, because she had this weird range, about seven or eight notes, and that’s about it. So it’s really hard to, like, rock out to Diana Ross, you know what I’m sayin’?

Damn, even McPhee waited until the season was over to go all snotty high-school-clique-leader on Meat Loaf. And no, the question wasn’t loaded; the contestants were asked about theme nights they either were or weren’t looking forward to. Sligh also says that he wanted to perform one of his original songs, but that Idol “wasn’t ready for it.” OR maybe, similar to the rule that contestants aren’t allowed to play instruments, they want to keep the playing field as evenly balanced as they can. (Yeah, I know, they play favorites, but at least on its face, the game’s fair.) Not everyone’s a songwriter, just like not everyone’s an instrumentalist.

In other news, Stephanie Edwards and Gina Glocksen want to cut their hair super-short, Brandon Rogers thinks that the guys this year represent an excellent crop of talent (snerk), and Sanjaya Malakar wants to sing something by Jet.

Reviews, reviews, everywhere reviews.

Mary Colurso blames the difference between the Huntsville concert and last night’s Birmingham concert on poor sound mixing at the former:

[Taylor] Hicks’ singing came through strong, warm and clear, blending with a band that sounded tight and muscular, yet nicely balanced…Part soul, part blues, part pop, part swampy rock, ["modern whomp"] fits Hicks as neatly as his natty suit jackets. Also, Hicks has devised a clever trick for his tour, tacking vignettes from R&B classics onto the end of newer tunes. “The Maze,” for example, morphed into Honey Cone’s “Want Ads” and Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get it On.” That really worked…To make the maximum impact, the Gray Haired Guy’s gotta dance, and Hicks usually exhibits enough energy to light up a theater marquee. That’s his magic, as “Idol” judge Paula Abdul would say.

Cabbages and kings.

Taylor Hicks is in love…with his tour bus.

The first thing Hicks wants everyone to know is that he keeps “a sane bus.” Not a crazy bus, with groupies and binges and wild excesses…Hicks likes his driver, an affable guy named Greg, and he likes the idea of living on a “swanky bachelor bus.” It’s been designed for comfort and efficiency, with an interior color scheme that matches the outside, in masculine shades of gray, black, brown and burgundy. Hicks says his tour manager, Tim Durfey, selected this particular model, which boasts an expandable front lounge and roomy back lounge. Luxuries include gleaming wood paneling, faux-granite countertops, several squishy couches, privacy shades, a bathroom, a kitchenette, a couple of flat-panel televisions, a stereo or two and about 14 DVD players. There’s carpeting. There’s a decent-sized refrigerator with a freezer. There’s ample storage space, including two mirrored closets for Hicks’ on- and off-stage wardrobes. (The Soul Patrolman is a notorious clothes horse.)… In the rear lounge, the most exciting items on view are a guitar case, a black Tamrac bag that holds a Canon camera, an Apple PowerBook and a hardcover copy of a Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree.” “I don’t know who that belongs to,” Hicks admits.

Sex-ay!

Meanwhile, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, via Rodney Ho, offered a concert review/album review/reflection on Taylor’s career:

Vocally, he wasn’t 100% (as noted earlier during the meet and greet), struggling a bit through songs like his single “Just To Feel That Way.” But he gutted it out and the crowd appreciated him as much as he appreciated them. “Thank you for voting for me,” he said, in his one acknowledgment of “Idol.” And he yelped out “Soul Patrol” several times, referencing his fan base…

Part of the reason why he’s not pulling in Daughtry-level sales is the fact he’s happily stuck in the 1970s. There’s no real place for his old-soul music on contemporary radio. In fact, listening to his tunes, you’d think music stopped in 1980. His covers included a tribute to Marvin Gaye (“Let’s Get It On” [ed. note -- "Wherever I Lay My Hat?"] and the Commodores’ “Nightshift”) and Supertramp’s 1979 hit “Goodbye Stranger.”

Ultimately, Hicks has clearly opted on the side of his musical integrity and identity versus trying to being something he’s not. And if that doesn’t make him RCA Records’ best bud, he’ll earn his keep touring for the next 40 years long after other “Idol” winners have fully faded into obscurity.

The comments section is full of bitching and moaning from people who feel that a review should never mention 1) that Taylor has gray hair and that 2) most of his fans are middle-aged women. Sigh. The review was good, ladies. Give it a rest. If you don’t want to be mentioned in a review, stop showing up in Taylor T-shirt all decked out with blinking pins and official-looking Soul Patrol badges and ID cards. It’s the “don’t think of a pink elephant” syndrome.

Exit interviews! Antonella Barba says you can’t win with the judges. (Hint: it’s easier if you sing well.) She also has “offers” coming in that she can’t discuss. (Hint again: One is from Hugh Hefner; the other is from Joe Francis of “Girls Gone Wild” fame.) When asked if she would do men’s magazines, she responds, “I’m definitely willing to look at whatever I’m offered and sort out what feels right to me.” Well, there you go.

Sabrina Sloan doesn’t say anything particularly interesting, which…was kind of the problem in the first place, wasn’t it? Oh, she was going to sing “Can’t Hurry Love” next week. Meh, that would have been safe and boring anyway. Also, she says that she (and, presumably, all the Top 24 contestants) are repped by 19M until the show is over. I didn’t know that. Jared Cotter says that “the voting was off” (well…perhaps, in that Sanjaya should have gone home, but Jared wasn’t anything special, either, except for a good but not great vocalist who more often than not was covered in thick, cheesy Velveeta. He also doesn’t understand why Paula told him he “needed more coloring,” and that he YouTubed his performance and didn’t find anything wrong with it. Wow, and people think Sundance is the cocky one? Sheesh.

And onto Sundance Head, who had “no idea” he was going home. Seriously, have any of these people seen the show before Or at the very least, have they heard of Chris Daughtry? “Shocking exits” are this show’s bread and butter. He also has really nice things to say about Sanjaya:

Sanjaya is only 17. He’s a kid. He’s a polite kid and he’s gonna make it in the business but at this point he’s so young he doesn’t know himself and his capabilities. He doesn’t have confidence in his voice. All that is going to come to him and when it does he’s going to be a great performer.